It all comes down to this.
After months of grinding the waiver wire, managing injuries, and enduring heartbreaking Monday Night collapses, we’ve arrived at the grand finale of the Squid Squad league. It’s Kittle School Shooters versus Latte Larry’s, two teams stumbling into the championship. This isn’t just fantasy football—it’s a clash of mismanagement, desperation, and shattered dreams.
Let’s break it all down…..
Kittle School Shooters: Playing with Nerf Bullets
1. Saquon Barkley: Ice to Meet You
Saquon’s snap count situation screams, “I’ve got plans to be healthy for the Playoffs.” If the Eagles decide to limit his workload, this could turn into a Barkley-less Barkley Bowl. But, with a potential 3rd string QB starting in Philly, this gives huge potential for Barkley to go.
2. James Cook: Chef on Break
Buffalo’s game plan against The Jets looks like a recipe for disaster for Cook owners. Sure, he might slice and dice the Jets early, but don’t be shocked if Sean McDermott pulls him by halftime to save him for games that actually matter. You’re basically betting on the fantasy equivalent of microwave ramen—quick, hot, and disappointing.
3. Zay Flowers: Bloom or Bust
Flowers is like that slot receiver you draft in Madden because he has 95 speed but zero consistency. With Bateman back to healthy and continuing to take TD passes away from the other receivers, Zay might be relegated to running routes so deep he could find Atlantis. He’ll either grab a long TD or end the day with fewer points than Justin Tucker.
4. Garrett Wilson: Rodgers’ Campaign Intern
Wilson’s season has been like watching a five-star recruit stuck on a high school JV team. Now, with Rodgers gearing up for his 2028 presidential bid (slogan: “Run the Ball Less, Ayahuasca More”), Wilson’s value has plummeted faster than the Jets’ playoff chances.
5. George Kittle: Motor City Shutdown
Facing Detroit, Kittle’s likely to see more coverage than the Lions’ Thanksgiving Day halftime show. Expect lots of double-teams and frustration, but at least Kittle can always fall back on WWE promos.
6. DK Metcalf: The Human Rollercoaster
DK’s season has been peak Seahawks: inconsistent, weird, and somehow still relevant. Against Chicago, will he be the Metcalf who feasts on bad secondaries or the one who spends the game blocking like a tight end?
7. Jayden Reed: Flex(ible Failure)
Jordan Love has looked better, but Reed’s role has devolved into “decoy sweeper.” Unless you’re banking on a gadget play touchdown, Reed might as well be handing out Gatorade on the sideline.
Latte Larry’s: The Walking Wounded
1. CeeDee Lamb: A Lamb in Wolf’s Clothing
Nothing says “championship confidence” like a WR1 nursing an injury. If Lamb suits up, he’ll probably be playing at 60%. If he doesn’t, Latte Larry’s is heading into this matchup with fewer weapons than the Denver Broncos’ offensive line.
2. Malik Nabers: No QB, No Problem?
Nabers has elite skills but no one to throw him the ball. It’s like having a Ferrari without gas—it looks nice in your garage, but it won’t win you any races. His QB situation is the fantasy football equivalent of Nathan Peterman.
3. Bo Nix: Bo Knows… Maybe
Relying on a rookie quarterback in championship week is a bold move, Cotton. Let’s see if it pays off. If Nix shows up, Latte Larry’s might stand a chance. If not, this pick will be remembered as “that one time I trusted a rookie.”
4. Flex Spot: The Black Hole
Latte Larry’s flex position is emptier than Jerry Jones’ promises of a Cowboys Super Bowl. Without Pickens, the options range from “meh” to “unplayable.”
Prediction: The Ugly Truth
This matchup feels like a 13-10 Thursday Night Football snoozefest where the winning points come from a safety. But, has a real shot to be Kansas City VS Los Angeles Rams in 2018 (aka the greatest game of all time)
Final Score Prediction:
• Kittle School Shooters: 142
• Latte Larry’s: 136
