12.Error 404
The Invisible Man, The Invisible Man (1933)
- “Now, you see him…now you die!”
- Or rather, win!
- Dr. Jack Griffin has the uncanny ability to perpetrate any crime he desires, thanks to his power of invisibility
- Unfortunately, the scientist’s groundbreaking method for becoming invisible is slowly driving him wild.
- Similarly, Legacy’s perpetual streak of losing is slowly driving him wild.
- Unfortunately, the scientist’s groundbreaking method for becoming invisible is slowly driving him wild.
- As soon as Sunday rolls around, Error 404 disappears!
11.Makin’ Moore Mooney
Carrie White, Carrie (1976)
- Carrie White is more times than not pegged as one of the greatest horror villains of all time, but is she truly the monster, or is she the victim?
- Is Luke the monster, or the victim?
- Has the Fantasy Gods spited him?
- Being bullied by her peers certainly brings about Carrie’s untimely demise, but it’s easy to sympathize with the young girl’s plight.
- Is Luke the monster, or the victim?
- Carrie finally snaps and wipes out most of her schoolmates and the faculty at the infamous prom.
- Will Luke finally snap from Gault’s constant put down?
- Will he break the 3-game losing streak, or will he reign hell down upon the Squid Squad?
10. Land of Misfit Toys
Babadook (The Babadook, 2014)
- Grief is the real monster in the Babadook and the film is about the “aftermath of death; how it remnants destroy long after the dead body has been buried or burned”
- Zack went 1-0 and has spent the rest of the season grieving
- Two injuries later and Zack is reconsidering whether he will be in the League in 2025.
- Zack went 1-0 and has spent the rest of the season grieving
- In fact, the Babadook is never seen in the movie.
- Similarly, Zack is nowhere to be seen on gameday.
- However, you’ll spot him shotgunning a Twisted Tea on Thursday Night!
- Similarly, Zack is nowhere to be seen on gameday.
9. Gordon’s Last Joint
The Gill-man (The Creature From the Black Lagoon, 1958)
- “Not since the beginning of time has the world beheld terror like this!”
- The movie was filmed in black and white, so most people are not aware that Gill-Man is moss green, to better camouflage itself with the colored waters of the lagoon
- Similar to Gill-Man, Gault has camouflaged itself enough that opposing teams don’t see him at all come game day.
- Gill-man shows sadness throughout the film implying he is aware that he’s the last of his kind.
- Similarly, the rest of the league shows Gault empathy knowing he will have difficulty putting up triple digits any given week.
8. Trapa-Hall-ics Mixtapes
Michael Myers (Halloween, 1978)
- First appearing on screen as a six-year-old Michael, he murders his older sister on Halloween and is admitted into a psychiatric hospital.
- Word has it Kevin has also spent time in the psychiatric hospital.
- Kevin will similarly look to murder Adam when he proposes his next “sweetheart” trade
- After 15 years of captivity, Myers breaks out of the asylum and spends 23 years hunting down the rest of his family.
- After making it back to .500, Kevin is looking to hunt down the rest of the league as he crawls his way back up the rankings.
7. Amon-Ra’ Merica
Chucky (Child’s Play, 1988)
- “Hi. I’m Chucky. Wanna Play?”
- Taran is a nasty, vile serial killer who takes sadistic pleasure in murdering others, lacking any redeeming quality.
- Taran was all but ruled out at 2-4 , but has returned from the dead and evened the playing field.
- Taran is a nasty, vile serial killer who takes sadistic pleasure in murdering others, lacking any redeeming quality.
- o Chucky is possessed as a notorious serial killer whose spirit inhabits a “Good Guy” doll
- Similarly, Taran puts on the “Good Guy” role but secretly wishes injury upon other Club’s players.
6. Hurts Donuts
Pazuzu (The Exorcist, 1973)
- Is God dead? Is the Devil real? Does the battle between good and evil end in heaven or hell?
- There must be a God given Bossolt’s recent success in the League
- The king of demons of the wind, Pazuzu appears as a demon who possesses Regan Macneil.
- Similarly, Boss has been possessed given that will be his first year in SSFL in which he is above .500
- Did Adam possess Boss?
5.It was Cowher’s Team
Jack Torrance (from The Shining, 1980)
- “Here’s Johnny!”
- Well, here’s Moxie and he’s not here to play
- Dark, creepy, and aggressive.
- Are we talking about Johnny or Moxie here?
- Completely unhinged.
- Often playing from behind, Moxie has a way of beating his opponents at the last possible moment.
- Clearly intense and a little desperate.
- Moxie is desperate to make it into the playoffs and will stop at nothing to get his invitation to the dance.
- Moxie’s descent into madness is one of the best things about his haunted hotel epic.
- Similarly, Moxie’s quiet nature in the chat while he continues to humble other managers is one of the best parts of him being back in the league.
4. USA Eagle Slayers
Jason Voorhees (Friday the 13th Part 2, 1981)
- “There’s a legend around here. A killer buried, but not dead. A curse on Crystal Lake, a death curse. Jason Voorhees’ curse. They say he died as a boy, but he keeps coming back. Few have seen him and lived.” Some have even tried to stop him. No one can. People forget he’s down there, waiting.
- With one of the fewest points scored against him and easiest schedule to date, Dave has made his way up the power rankings.
- Completely silent, undead, and seemingly unstoppable killing madman
- Dave quietly beats his competition while haunting the League, slaughtering anyone he encounters.
- KD Ratio of 200-1, Dave is similarly avenging drafting CMC first overall.
3. GOONERS
PennyWise (It: Chapter One, 2017)
- One of the most iconic characters from all horror films, Pennywise is one of the best known and most feared
- Similarly, Caden also exhibits clown-like tendencies, and is feared by the rest of the league.
- Maybe not feared; rather, general concern that Caden is still alive.
- Similarly, Caden also exhibits clown-like tendencies, and is feared by the rest of the league.
- o Pennywise has two weaknesses: courage and heart
- Caden also has two weaknesses: germs and leaving points on the bench
2. Kittle School Shooter
Jigsaw, (Saw, 2004)
- Former civil engineer who after helplessly watching his wife be assaulted by a drug addict, which resulted in the death of his unborn son, decided to become a serial killer who targeted those who harmed others.
- After watching Adam create a superteam, Bryon has become the villain in the SSFL.
- Jigsaw’s philosophy is that those who damage and harm others do not deserve to live a fruitful life themselves and must be stopped at any cost. He thus makes murder machines and traps, in which his victims must either mutilate themselves or die.
- Similarly, Bryon has taken upon himself to write the weekly Power Rankings, thus slowly sewing rifts between fellow friends.
- John is ultimately killed by his final personal victim, Jeff Denlon, who slashes his jugular open with a saw.
- It is only a matter of time before Austin Gault slits Bryon’s jugular after the weekly verbal abuse.
1.Adam’s Rent-A-Player
Leatherface (Texas Chainsaw Massacre, 1974)
- Reigning supreme for decades, this film has stood the test of time.
- Adam is a brutal murderer, a depraved cannibal, and a lunatic long since past the point of any sort of redemption.
- Terrifying, really
- Gibbs and Lamb take no prisoners
- Terrifying, really
- It is the way in which Adam carries out his work.
- He sees his victim as livestock, treats them as such, and cannot be reasoned with in any way.
- If that’s not enough, you should see the way he treats his girlfriend.
- He is the purest cinematic distillation of sudden, random, unspeakable terror.
- Although Adam doesn’t wear a mask, he is gross to look at.
