1. Kittle School Shooters (4-1) 💵
○ Last week: 2
○ Playoff Chance: 89%
○ Week 4 Result: Defeated ERROR 404
Despite Saquon Barkley being on a bye week, Shooters were able to topple ERROR 404 in a close 142-134 matchup. Garrett Wilson finally came alive in the early Sunday morning matchup with a 13 receptions, 101 yards, and a touchdown. Dak Prescott can be relied upon to score 20 points in any given week. No more, no less. Given the Shooters are averaging 144 points/game, the rest of the clubs need to bring their A-game if they want to have a shot at the King. Expect another high scoring affair in Week 6, as Shooters takes on Gordon’s Last Joint, who has arisen from the dead in the last couple weeks.
○ Up next: Gordon’s Last Joint
2. GOONERS (4-1) 💵
○ Last Week: 1
○ Playoff Chance: 87%
○ Week 4 Result: Lost to Hurts Donuts
○ GOONERS were slow to get going, and never got to full speed in Week 5. A measly 111 points isn’t going to win many games in this league. Ravens D/ST against the Cincinnati Bengals was certainly a choice. It’s clear GOONERS had no one else to turn to but rookie Xavier Legette given the entire bench put up a combined 0 points. Fortunately, all signs point to AJ Brown returning in week 5. Makin’ Moore Mooney is coming off the season high score in 202 points, so GOONERS will need start faster in Week 6. And that begins with JSN on Thursday night against the 49ers.
○ Up next: Makin’ Moore Mooney
3. USA Eagle Slayers (4-1) 🍺
○ Last week: 3
○ Playoff Chance: 80%
○ Week 4 Result: Defeated It was Cowher’s Team
○ Despite three players being on bye week, and CMC making another trip to Germany, Cowher’s Team was no match for the USA Eagle Slayers. There has been chatter about removing the TEs from the league. Not if Slayers has anything to say about it. What may have been a first time in SSFL history, Slayers had two TEs active for week 5, combining for 36 points. Drake London put together his season high early Thursday, and it was never close in this Commissioner Game of the Week. Slayers find itself in a favorable matchup in Week 6 as ERROR 404 will be scrambling to put together a full roster with 4 starters on bye week.
○ Up next: ERROR 404
4. 2143 E 42nd St. Erie, PA 16510 (3-2)
○ Last week: 6
○ Playoff Chance: 56%
○ Week 4 Result: Defeated Trapa-Hall-ics Mixtapes
What was likely an underserved win, E 42nd St was able to eke out a win over Trapa-Hall-ics in 111-106 low scoring affair, and thus altering the trajectory of this club for the rest of the season. Nevertheless, sitting at 4 with a higher points against over points for is truly a wonder. E 42nd St is playing with fire with the state of its quarterback play. With its three-headed dragon in Hubbard, Jacobs, and Kamara, this club is ready to go toe to toe with anybody. Now if only Kirk would look Kyle Pitts’s way on his first read.
○ Up next: It was Cowher’s Team
5. Hurts Donut (3-2) 🍺
○ Last week: 7
○ Playoff Chance: 58%
○ Week 4: Defeated GOONERS
○ Rostering Trevor Lawrence in Week 5 was likely the biggest brain move of the week, in which he threw for 371 yards and two touchdowns. Couple that with waiver wire pick-ups in Keenan Allen, Tyler Conklin, and Kareem Hunt, Hurts Donuts is beginning to cook with gas. Hurts Donuts will be without Jetta in Week 5 but that won’t stop this club as they scour the Waiver Wire, refreshing the recent activity every time he picks up his phone.
○ Up next: Concussions and Depression
6. It Was Cowher’s Team (3-2)
○ Last week: 4
○ Playoff Chance: 60%
○ Week 4 Result: Lost to USA Eagle Slayers
○ Although Cowher’s Team is 3-2, the bottom has all but fallen off. However, there appears to still be life in Bijanand Wan’Dale Robinson. Chris Olave being targeted only four times in Monday night’s loss is criminal. Looking ahead, he will have a much favorable matchup as the Saints take on Tampa Bay. Week 6 is a big matchup between Cowher’s Team and E 42nd St, in which it will have league wide implications, as both teams are at 3-2.
○ Up next: 2143 E 42nd St
7. Makin’ Moore Mooney (2-3) 💵
○ Last week: 9
○ Playoff Chance: 46%
○ Week 4 Result: Defeated Amon-Ra’merica
For the first time in SSFL history, Makin’ Moore Mooney is being paid, and feeling some success. Everybody contributed, everybody did their part in Week 5. In what was never even a close matchup, Makin’ Moore Mooney put up the season high score in 202 points. Enjoy that money now, as week 6 will be much tougher with Mahomes and Kelce sitting on the bench and GOONERS trying to get back into the win column.
○ Up next: GOONERS
8. Amon-Ra’merica (2-3) 💵
○ Last week: 5
○ Playoff Chance: 40%
○ Week 4 Result: Lost to Makin’ Moore Mooney
This one hurts. Amon-Ra’merica didn’t help itself by starting De’Von Achane this week. Nor did Charbonnetand Deebo help matters. The best thing that can be done in this situation is take the L and move on. Somehow it feels better to lose to the highest scorer of the week.Dropping three spots in the power rankings will hurt anybody’s feelings. Amon-Ra isn’t out of it yet at 2-3, but falling short two weeks in a row isn’t helping matters. Look for Amon-Ra’merica to try and get right against another sputtering club in Trapa-Hall-ics.
○ Up next: Trapa-Hall-ics Mixtapes
9. Trapa-Hall-ics Mixtapes (2-3) 🍺
○ Last week: 8
○ Playoff Chance: 28%
○ Week 4 Result: Lost to 2143 E 42nd St
Not a lot has gone right for Trapa-Hall-ics this season, as Breece Hall continues to look like a shell of himself. Couple that with Davante Adams wanting out of Las Vegas, this club has had a rough go at it. As soon as Mark Andrews is benched, he decides to score his season high score. Shaheed almost pulled off the biggest upset of the season on Monday night, but failed to reel in another catch. As long as Waco Flacco Flame is at the helm in Indy, Michael Pittman will see the targets. And what appears to be Austin Ekeler resurrecting his career in Washington, it seems as though he should be on the active roster in week 6. It is a close matchup between Trapa-Hall-ics and Amon-Ra’merica in Week 6, which will likely be a pivotal win for either club.
○ Up next: Amon-Ra’merica
10. Concussions and Depression (1-4) 🍺
○ Last week: 10
○ Playoff Chance: 21%
○ Week 4 Result: Lost to Gordon’s Last Joint
○ What’s worse: scoring the lowest score of the season in 86 points, or giving Gordon’s Last Joint its first win of the season? Joe Burrow scoring 38 points on the bench is salt in the wound. Things are bleak for Concussions and Depression as they are sitting at 1-4. The only saving grace is that Nabers is out of concussion protocol and will be back for Week 6. Is there enough here to take on Hurts Donuts, who is surging up the Rankings? As Cherub famously stated, “Concussions and Depression Champagne and Cocaine Help to get me through” Will that be enough?
○ Up next: Hurts Donuts
11. ERROR 404 (1-4) (BEER) 💵
○ Last week: 11
○ Playoff Chance: 14%
○ Week 4 Result: Lost to Kittle School Shooters
○ Just as things seemed to be getting on track, ERROR 404 lost a heartbreaker. Xavier Worthy was almost a hero. Better roster management would have likely led to a victory, as Jakobi Meyers and Raheem Mostert were sitting on the bench with a combined 25 points. Sitting at 1-4, with a 14% chance of making it into playoffs, this is beginning to look like a long season. The hungry USA Eagle Slayers are up next
○ Up next: USA Eagle Slayers
12. Gordon’s Last Joint (1-4)
○ Last week: 12
○ Playoff Chance: 22%
○ Week 4: Defeated Concussions and Depression
Although Gordon’s Last Joint has all but punted on the season, it is still celebrating its first win of the season. Kyren, Evans, and Swift put together half the score, but the real story is Concussions and Depression never stood a chance. It was over Thursday night the moment Mike Evans scored his second touchdown. As much fun as it was watching two retards fight, Gordon’s Last Joint will have a much stiffer task in Week 6, as he takes on schoolyard bully in Kittle School Shooters coming to take his lunch money.
○ Up next: Kittle School Shooters
