SSFL Power Rankings Week 7: How good are Eagle Slayer, Cell Mate? Plus more big questions!

1. Kittle School Shooters (5-1) 💵

Last week: 1

Playoff Chance: 92%

Week 6: Defeated Gordon’s Last Joint

You have a lot of enemies when you are at the top. Anybody looking for a reason to knock you off the top. A lot of controversy surrounding the decision to play James Cook, as he was ruled out just a half hour before MNF kickoff. That didn’t matter though, as Garrett Wilson was able to handle business and propel the Shooters past Gordon’s Last Joint early in the second half. Until further notice, DK Metcalf needs to take a seat on the bench. Saquon was not Saquoning. With Prescott coming off of his worst game of the season, a bye could not be more necessary. Time to scramble and find another QB off the waiver wire, as a fellow 5-1 USA Eagle Slayer is coming to knock the Shooters off the top in what will be a must watch PPV. 

Up next: USA Eagle Slayers

2. GOONERS (5-1) 💵

Last Week: 2

Playoff Chance: 90%

Week 6: Defeated Makin’ Moore Mooney

Week 6 was a walk in the park for GOONERS, as Makin’ Moore Mooney did not show up. An impressive 149 points, nearly doubling that of his opponent, puts in him earshot of reclaiming number 1 on the Power Rankings. Expect another impressive Week, as GOONERS debuts Marvin Harrison as his newest GOON.

Up next: Trapa-Hall-ics Mixtapes

3. USA Eagle Slayers (5-1) 🍺

Last week: 3

Playoff Chance: 87%

Week 6: Defeated ERROR 404

Everybody is doing their part for USA Eagle Slayers, saveJavonte Williams, who is having a pedestrian season. CMC continues to rehab his injury, as everybody continues to fight. Sitting at a pretty 5-1, USA Eagle Slayers has yet to be battle tested, as he has the lowest points against in the league. That should change in Week 7 as the Slayers are set to take on the 5-1 School Shooters.

Up next: Kittle School Shooters

4. Zach Robinsons Future Cell Mate (4-2) 💵

Last week: 4 

Playoff Chance: 80%

Week 6: Defeated It was Cowher’s Team

It wasn’t pretty, but it was enough to secure the victory in Week 6, against Cowher’s Team who beat themselves. Kyle Pitts was efficient with his three carries. And now relocked, reloaded, and retooled, the Future Cell Mate is coming for the top of the Rankings with his latest acquisition: Malik Nabers. Amari Cooper, who has been ineffective, with the exception of one game, has found a new home in Buffalo, so expect him to come out of the gate swinging. The Cell Mate smells blood in the water against the 1-5 ERROR 404. Will he find himself in prison sooner rather than later?

Up next: ERROR 404

5. Amon-Ra’merica (3-3) 💵

Last week: 8

Playoff Chance: 49%

Week 6: Defeated Trapa-Hall-ics Mixtapes

Sitting at 3-3 with the hardest schedule is no easy task. David Montgomery continues to dominate. Brian Thomas Jr. had a season low, but that’s no problem, as Amon-Ra’merica made light work of Trapa-Hall-ics Mixtapes in Week 6. Will Achane be back from concussion protocol as Amon-Ra is set to take on the 3-3 Cowher’s Team in a key matchup?

Up next: It was Cowher’s Team

6. Hurts Donut (3-3) 🍺

Last week: 5

Playoff Chance: 52%

Week 6: Lost to Honest Abe’s Trades

Tough week. Just as Hurts Donuts thought it was turning the corner, Honest Abe made a trade skyrocketing them to victory.141 points is nothing to scoff at. Mixon came back from injury and played his heart out. Hell, most of these players played their hearts out. The Jets D/ST was likely not the most savvy move, but Donuts was desperate for another win. And desperate clubs do desperate teams. Expect a big bounce back win against the floundering, hopeless Gordon’s Last Joint in Week 7  

Up next: Gordon’s Last Joint

7. It Was Cowher’s Team (3-3)

Last week: 6

Playoff Chance: 43%

Week 6: Lost to Zach Robinsons Future Cellmate

Two losses in a row, and now sitting at 3-3, Cowher’s Team is spiraling. Makin’ Moore Mooney was able to help Cowher out with taking the lowest score of the week, but Cowher was close. Fortunately, Bake—wait, Baker Mayfield?!—was able to put Cowher’s team on his back, as 5 of his 9 players combined for a resounding 2.3 points. Yes, you read that right. Onto next week, where ERROR 404 is still fighting. Don’t let the record fool you. 

Up next: ERROR 404

8. Makin’ Moore Mooney (2-4) 💵🍺

Last week: 7

Playoff Chance: 36%

Week 6: Lost to GOONERS

Just as we thought Makin’ Moore Mooney had turned the corner and was looking to start making a push up the rankings, he hit a new low. Now sitting at 2-4, and a 24 oz. tallboy waiting for him as he greets his boys as he embarks on his bachelor party, he will look to get back on the wagon as he takes on Honest Abe’s Trades.  

Up next: Honest Abe’s Trades

9. Honest Abe’s Trades (2-4) 💵🍺

Last week: 10

Playoff Chance: 21%

Week 6: Lost to Amon-Ra’merica

When all hope seemed to be lost, Honest Abe made a trade to secure him not only a win, but the high score of the week. There could be some future implications with this trade, as Malik Nabers is no longer on this roster. Is Hubbard the answer at RB2? With Jonothon Brooks set to return to practice, are his days numbered? Will this turn into a RB committee? Another big week is set against Makin’ Moore Mooney, who is also 2-4 and making a push to climb the rankings.

Up next: Makin’ Moore Mooney

10. Trapa-Hall-ics Mixtapes (2-4) 🍺

Last week: 9

Playoff Chance: 25%

Week 6: Lost to 2143 E 42^nd St

Another week, another goose egg from a flex player. Tre Tucker, you have been dropped. With Adams heading to the NY Jets, there could be life still in this locker room. Week 7 is a key matchup against Amon-Ra’merica, one that could shake up the standings with a win.

Up next: Amon-Ra’merica

11. ERROR 404 (1-5) 🍺💵

Last week: 11

Playoff Chance: 10%

Week 6: Lost to USA Eagle Slayers

1-5 does not paint the whole picture. Plagued by a brutal schedule, ERROR 404 continues to put up a valiant effort each week. Marvin Harrison going down early with a concussion likely cost you week 6. With just a 10% of making the playoffs, and all hope seem to be depleting, the only chance you have at happiness is ruining other peoples’ happiness. That begins with with Week 7 against Cell Mate looking to ensure an invitation to the dance.

Up next: Zach Robinson’s Future Cell Mate

12. Gordon’s Last Joint (1-5) 

Last week: 12

Playoff Chance: 15%

Week 6: Lost to Kittle School Shooters

take a look in the mirror. What do you see, kid? A loser? A schmuck down on his luck? 1-5 looks horrible on you. And now you’re lashing out? Trying to use the Constitution against the lawyer who wrote it? Who do you think knows the rules best? Nobody is coming to save you. Zack Moss likely cost you this loss with a fumble in the first quarter. Chase Brown will be the Bengals’ RB1 moving forward. Drop him. It’s time to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Pick yourself up by the bootstraps. Make a trade, do something. This is getting out of hand.

Up next: Hurts Donuts