1. Say Hello to my Kittle Friend (3-0) 📈 (+1) 💵
- Playoff Chance: 85%
- Week 3 Result: Defeated Trapa-Hall-ics Mixtapes 166.33 – 111.02
- Best Performer: Saquon Barkley 41.6 points
- Biggest surprise: Saquon is still active
- Analysis: Kittle Friend would be $75 richer if the Jacksonville Jaguars weren’t so pathetic! James was just beginning to Cook before they pulled him and the rest of the Buffalo Bills’s starting unit. Despite a miscue between Josh Allen and Cook early in the first half which would have resulted in another 28-yard receiving touchdown, Cook is second on the team in both rushing and receiving yards. With a big SNF showdown against the Baltimore Ravens, expect another big showing from this young fella. In other related news, Saquon continues to do Saquon things with another 2 TDs. Kittle Friend is the team no one wants to take on right now. Will Cowher’s Team be able to keep up?
- Up next: It was Cowher’s Team
2. GOONERS (3-0) 📉 (-1) 💵
- Playoff Chance: 83%
- Week 3 Result: Defeated Gordon’s Last Joint 110.4 – 106.12
- Best Performer: Derrick Henry 35.4 points
- Biggest surprise: James Conner with 17 yards
- Analysis: Raiders D/ST could have been left on the bench. GOONERS, one of the lowest scoring teams in the league in Week 3 with a putrid 110 points, owes the matchmaking gods a steak dinner being matched up against Gordon’s Last Joint who is barely breaking into triple digits in any given week. However, a win is a win and they all count the same. GOONERS will need to shake this week off if they want to get to 4-0, especially with Burrowed Alive coming to town off of scoring a season high 143.59 points in a dramatic loss.
- Up next: Burrowed Alive
3. LaPorta Potty (2-1) 📈 (+3) 💵
- Playoff Chance: 68%
- Week 3 Result: Defeated Burrowed Alive 167.91 – 143.59
- Best Performer: Rashee Rice 30.1 points
- Biggest surprise: Sam LaPorta is TE 18
- Analysis: Huge win for the Birthday Boy! In part due to the League Leader doing its victory dance too early, and Buffalo sitting its offense in the second half, LA D/ST was able to get to Trevor Lawrence enough to earn its first High Score of the Week. Climbing up the Power Rankings four spots because of players such as: Charbonnet, Rice, St. Brown, and Montgomery has to have LaPorta Potty feeling pretty good. And Rome Odunze sitting on the bench with another 24.4 points feels as though there was some meat left on the bone. Don’t spend all that money in one place! With Fantasy, one can never get too high or too low, but this team looks built ready to contend for the foreseeable future. Onto Hurts Donut.
- Up next: Hurts Donut
4. USA Eagle Slayers (2-1) 📈 (+3) 🍺
- Playoff Chance: 63%
- Week 3 Result: Defeated Sutton Chops 140.46 – 134.31
- Best Performer: Jauan Jennings 47.4 points
- Biggest surprise: CMC visit to Germany to meet with Aryan doctors
- Analysis: An insider in USA Eagle Slayers locker room told me that the pep talk given in the locker room before Sunday’s slate was electric. The WR coach told them a huge performance was needed in order to have a chance against Sutton Chops. Jauan Jennings took the speech to heart and scored 47.5 points. What a game changer. Eagle Slayers will need to continue putting these performances up as its schedule never gets easier.
- Up next: Trapa-Hall-ics Mixtapes
5. Trapa-Hall-ics Mixtapes (2-1) 📉 (-2)
- Playoff Chance: 59%
- Week 3 Result: Lost to Say Hello to my Kittle Friend 166.33 – 111.02
- Best Performer: Aaron Jones 30.8 points
- Biggest surprise: Mark Andrews might be bad at football
- Analysis: Not much went right for Trapa-Hall-ics as they fell by 55 points to Kittle Friend. Two goose eggs between Mark Andrews and Rashid Shaheed is going to be hard to overcome. Pittman needs to step it up. Davante Adams showed he can still make splash performances in Week 2, but it’s clear it’s going to be a rollercoaster as long as Minshew is at the helm. Big upcoming week with USA Eagle Slayer
- Up next: USA Eagle Slayer
6. It Was Cowher’s Team (2-1) 📈 (+3)
- Playoff Chance: 61%
- Week 3 Result: Defeated Deleting… 125.88 – 90.84
- Best Performer: Josh Allen 33.78 points
- Biggest surprise: Dallas Goedert is TE1 through Week 3
- Analysis: Let’s begin by saying this was always Moxie’s team. Cowher’s team trades away Jalen Hurts in return for Josh Allen, who puts up his season high score. Not bad! However, Rhamondre and Ridley need to step it up if Cowher’s Team wants to continue its success. It was an easy week given Deleting… was in town. It will only get harder from here as Cowher’s Team will face off against Kittle Friend.
- Up next: Say Hello to my Kittle Friend
7. Sutton Chops (1-2) 📉 (-2)
- Playoff Chance: 43%
- Week 3 Result: Lost to USA Eagle Slayers 140.46 – 134.31
- Best Performer: Ja’Marr Chase 30.8 points
- Biggest surprise: Travis Kelce has scored 15 fantasy points total
- Analysis: 1-2 through week 3 with a higher PF than majority of the league. As mentioned before, Fantasy is not fair. I’m convinced you must have done something to piss the Fantasy Gods off because how is Travis Kelce all of a sudden a non-factor in Fantasy? Did Brandon Aiyuk spend the entire offseason worried about getting paid and forget how to play football? Is Jamarr Chase done moping around and decide it’s time to start playing like his contract ends in two years? Is summer over and it’s time for Ass ETN szn? There are too many big names on this roster to be 7th in the Power Rankings. The Address failed to put up 100 points in Week 3. Go kick its door in, shoot up the house, and take a shit in its lawn. Let’s Bossolt’s Step Father deal with the repercussions.
- Up next: 2143 E 42nd St. Erie, PA 16510
8. Burrowed Alive (1-2) (+0)
- Playoff Chance: 39%
- Week 3 Result: Lost to Cheesecake Factory Escalade 131 – 105
- Best Performer: Jonathan Taylor 31.5 points
- Analysis: Scoring 143.59 points and still taking an L is miserable. Especially when you take a look around the league and see teams scoring 110, 120, and 125 points and coming out victorious. Similar to life, fantasy is just sometimes not fair. And it certainly doesn’t help when Cowboys D/ST are actively trying to lose the game. Alas, better times are ahead. The Colts remembered Jonathan Taylor is on their team; Nabers is the guy in NY; and Joe Burrow is likely going to be playing from behind the rest of this season. Will Burrowed Alive take its aggression of losing in week 3 on GOONERS who is reeling?
9. 2143 E 42nd St. Erie, PA 16510 (1-2) 📉 (-6)
- Playoff Chance: 37%
- Week 3 Result: Defeated Burrowed Alive 131 – 105
- Best Performer: Kyren Williams 31.6 points
- Analysis: Boom or bust: the name of the game for 2143 E 42nd St. Is Anthony Richardson perhaps bad at football? Hope hasn’t been lost yet, but it is waning. The first and second round picks are sorely missed, as Brandin Cooks is just not getting it done. Another week, another lackluster performance for Kyle Pitts. He can’t keep getting away with this. However, as long as Kamara and Kyren continue to produce the way they have, 2143 E 42nd will continue to have a chance any given week. Big week between the Address and Sutton Chops, who will both be fighting tooth and nail to get back to .500.
10. Hurts Donut (1-2) (+0) 🍺
- Playoff Chance: 32%
- Week 3 Result: Defeated 2143 E 42nd St 120.74 – 99.51
- Best Performer: NYJ D/ST 21 points
- Analysis: It is a sad state of affairs when the five players sitting on the bench aren’t able to muster up a single point. Engram, Mixon, Pacheco all sitting out. Scary Terry McLaurin finally broke out on MNF. Keon Coleman was able to build on the goose egg he laid in week 2. JJ continues to dominate. It was a much-needed win for Hurts Donut whose season could have gotten away from them before October. It will be a much tougher week for Hurts Donuts as it’s set to face off against LaPorta Potty who is coming off the Weekly High Score.
11. Gordon’s Last Joint (0-3) 📈 (+1)
- Playoff Chance: 16%
- Week 3 Result: Lost to GOONERS 110.4 – 106.12
- Best Performer: Brock Purdy 28.82 points
- Analysis: At this rate, it doesn’t matter who Gordon’s Last Joint plays any given week when you are scoring 106.12 points and putting up one of the fewest totals in the league. Is this truly Gordon’s last joint? Is the high wearing off? Are better times ahead for Gordon’s Last Joint who is facing the only other defeated team, Deleting? Somebody has to win here, right?
12. Deleting… (0-3) 📉 (-1) 🍺
- Playoff Chance: 13%
- Week 3 Result: Lost to It was Cowher’s Team 125.88 – 90.84
- Best Performer: Marvin Harrison Jr. (R) 17.4 points
- Analysis: Earth to Deleting…, we are entering week four of Fantasy and your team has yet to show up. Unfortunately, there is no incentive to tank in this league. Hopefully, Kenneth Walker can return to your lineup. Outside of Jahmry Gibbs, there is a lot left to be desired on this roster. Can Deleting get into the win column for the first time this season as they are set to face off against Gordon’s Last Joint? A look ahead at this schedule shows things are not going to get easier any time soon. Enjoy the tallboy.
