There’s not much more drama than hearing that your neighbor likes to play with themselves while their partner is intimately engaging with another person… That’s very much what week 2 has felt like so far, except we are all in the same room watching the alpha’s play with one another and we are just clamoring, hoping our chance arrives soon. Let’s dive in:
The Good (The butterflies enter your belly when your partner texts you mid-day, “Hey, I’ve thought a lot about what you proposed last night and I think I am willing to try it.”. You did it!”
Kittle School Shooters:
Does anyone have a prettier roster? The hottest girl in the room by far. So much girth, I mean, depth. Everyone wants a piece but we’re all sitting in the corner with slobber all over ourselves.
GOONERS:
A bit of a butter face but when the clothes came off, we were all in shock. The emergence of Baker as a top tier QB, James Conner emerging as a pivotal player in the new Cardinals offense, Shakir a budding WR1 option in buffalo when he’s not contributing to Hamas. Didn’t see it cumming.
Trap-Hall-ics Mixtapes:
We all knew when the invites were sent out that this person would show up. They’ve been known for getting around and are a main stay in these types of events. They wear a “scarlet A” proudly by boasting a pineapple in front of the house. Arguable the sturdiest roster in the league filled with proven talent who’s production doesn’t get too high or get too low. We know they’ll always be relevant and in the mix.
The Bad (You’re struggling to get up. Master at fore play which can by you some time but you’re freaked out a little bit by this new experience that your body doesn’t know how to react. That couch in the corner is calling your name but you’re determined to prove that you belong before your little guy calls it quits):
2143 E 42nd St., Erie, PA 16510:
First time here, huh? Gee couldn’t tell… You were the last edition to the party and came in with high hopes that you’d get a second invite. Performance at the start was surprising but you still left a lot to be desired. You got bailed out by a star studded performance in week 2 to by you a little bit more time, but week 3 will be telling if you really belong.
Sutton Chops:
So, so, so top heavy. You’ve got what it takes with the stars on your team. Looks will only get you so far in this game, though. Looking like a little bit of a one-trick-pony, you need to diversify what you bring to the table if you’re going to stick around
LaPorta Potty:
This roster screams “I’m just happy to be here”. You’re getting by, by the skin of your teeth. There’s flashes of hope or are you a prisoner of hope. You have shown the ability to be resilient but are your players on borrowed time?
The Bad (Not only are you stuck on the couch, but you already came. Pack up your bags. Call it a night. Maybe see if you can pop a blue pill to last a little longer)
Built Like Glass:
Gee whiz. Roster is filled with back ups. With the exception of your QB your entire team looks like it was assembled in free agency. Truly living week to week.
Stroud Wars: A New Hope:
Truly underperforming. You showcased a very impressive “package” but when it came to nut up or shut up, you wet the bed. Still, everyone is intrigued by what you have which means you still have time but time is nobody’s friend here when you have stamina issues.
Gordon’s Last Joint:
You got drunk by picking big names in hope that the booze would give you extra stamina but it back fired. You got aggressive in your strokes and shot your load. Big names don’t equate to big wins and now your left struggling to pick up the pieces while the moment slips from your Jurgens covered grasp…
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